sigh what is wrong with me. been swearing a lot today and i really didn't mean it, i'm sorry to those i've cursed and swore at. i shall make it a point, from tomorrow onwards, i shall not use a single profanity, neither shall i verbally abuse anyone to my hearts content (although it felt really good) i will try to contain my anger in future, unless it's umm extreme provocation =P but seriously what is wrong with me sigh to be more specific what the **** is wrong with my arm?! or at least that was what i used to blame but after today i realised that there's nothing wrong with my arm. the fault lies in me, and my stupid fear of overcoming this fault. so it's me after all, who else can i blame? and the gunners drew and the devils won, what is wrong?! and this saturday got sat, and i dunno why i signed up in the first place if i'm either going to score the same marks, lower even. bleah oh my god can't believe what i saw as i turned on the tv this morning.. all the injustice... all the injustice stop pressuring me stop ****ing with me makes me wanna scream

it's so fast.. not long ago i remembered contemplating which cca to join and now i've just finished the last official training of the year. had been having some trouble with the committee these few weeks... i was sure my attendance reached eighty percent but it was recorded as fifty percent. and then i realised that all that doesn't matter (much) at all, so i had given up trying to get my way. after all, i would hope that every journey has a pleasant end. i'll still continue going for training and i like the idea that these are optional.. there isn't any stress of pressure around anymore. hear your voice calling The time has come for me Inside this life I’m living There’s nothing left for me My mind is slowly fading So far away from me Each time I start crawling You’re there watching me

you know the feeling that there's this thing that's so near you, in fact it's just in front of your eyes, and you desire to hold it in your possession, but are stopped by this layer of shield, which started off initially as a thin transparent bubble that you can just burst out of. but then as you feel more and more vulnerable you start to construct more layers around you that you can't see what is in front of you, or that you refuse to see it. because the moment you see it, you feel unprotected and long to hide back into this shell hoping that no one will ever see you and forget your existence since you have nothing worth being remembered for.

just last thursday night when i went to the co concert i met my pri sch classmate which i hadn't really gotten in touch with for like six years. we talked for a short while regarding where we are now and the like, and i realised he's currently studying in naofa, studying music, unlike the bulk of us. then for a very short moment i was wondering, if i really belong to where i am? hmmm... there was mixed feelings at first but eventually i came to the conclusion that i am indeed at the right place. =) woot.. got back all my ct results... some did worse than i predicted while others did better, but nonetheless i'm still quite satisfied with it =)

finally that two week long killer break is over and so is the ct. and the training tmr signifies the start of a normal lifestyle again from now on. its been quite long since i ever went anyones house.. but today i went my classmates house.. i must say the house smelt damn nice, but i din go there because of tt. played very few rounds of table tennis and tennis.. left me wondering how to "pull-through" a shot.. maybe if i can master this i wldnt be so lousy as to lose two tennis balls out onto the roads. =X later on my fren told me she expected this to happen to me tts why she let us play with her old balls, and kept the new ones in her house. heh. yesterday watched the recruit. quite nice show but requires one to think a lot, offering no opportunities to doze off at all. and its the third time i go to the cinemas w/o letting my parents know. when will they finally lift this stupid ground.. grrr... I've become so numb I can't feel you there I've become so tired so much more aware I've becoming this all I want to do Is be more like me and be less like you

Three Little Pigs why don't you sit right back and i, i may tell you a tale. a tale of three little pigs and a big bad wolf. =) well the first little piggy, well he was kinda hip. he spent most of his days, just a dreamin of the city. and then one day, he bought a guitar. he moved to hollywood to become a star. but living on the farm, he knew nothing of the city. built his house out of straw, what a pity. and then one day, jammin on some chords, along came the wolf, knocking on his door. little pig, little pig, let me in. not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!! little pig, little pig, let me in. not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!! well i'm huffin, i'm puffin, i'll blow your house in. huffin, puffin, blow your house in. huffin, puffin, blow your house in. huffin and a puffin and i'll blow your house in!!! well the second little piggy, well he was kinda stoked. he spent most of his time just a ganga smokin. huffin and a puffin down on venice beach. getting paid money for religious speech. he built his shelter from what he garbage picked. mostly made up of old cans and sticks. then one day he was cranking out bob marley, and along came the wolf on his big bad farley. little pig,little pig, let me in. not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!! little pig, little pig, let me in. not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!! well i'm huffin, i'm puffin, i'll blow your house in. huffin, puffin, blow your house in. huffin, puffin, blow your house in. huffin and a puffin and i'll blow your house in!!! well the third little piggy, the grade a student. his daddy was a rock star, named pig nugent. earned his masters degree from harvard college. built his house from his architect knowledge. a tri-level mansion, hollywood hills. daddy's rock stardom, paid for the bills. and then one day came the old house smasher the big bad wolf the little piggy slasher. little pig, little pig, let me in. not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!! little pig, little pig, let me in. not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!! well i'm huffin, i'm puffin, i'll blow your house in. huffin, puffin, blow your house in. huffin, puffin, blow your house in. huffin and a puffin and i'll blow your house in!!! well the big bad wolf, well he huffed, and he puffed, all that he could. and lo and behold the little piggy's house stood. "its made out of concrete!" the little piggy shouted. the wolf just frowned, as he pouted. so the pig called 999, like any piggy would. they sent out rambo, just as fast, as they could. "yo, wolf-face, i'm your worst nightmare, your ass is mine!!!" *bang* well the wolf fell dead as you can plainly see. so thats to end the story, for you and me. ("three little pigs" by Green Jelly)