another day wasted. supposed to be studying wif zy and shiqing at harbourfront macs... but ended up going to sentosa to enjoy the musical fountain; i am really impressed with it! it's quite different from the last performance i viewed which was like 2 yrs back, and the laser and hologram effects were really breathtaking. i almost forgot that prelim starts in 2 days. not for the faint-hearted (stumbled across this on irc... this is really perverse!) http://www.ichithekiller.net/trailer/trailer_med.html

last day of school today, which also means wreck-havoc-on-your-classroom day. lol within a day dramatic changes took place on the right wall of TS17, firstly we vandalised the usual "xxx was here" all over, until hb was worried that he'll get caught by teacher as his name was jotted down the most and so we decided to drag the whole class into the picture to prevent teachers from pinpointing..and wrote names of everyone on the wall.... yea it is a really warped logic that we have.. but then we hum again as the names were rather obvious on the wall and it didn't exactly look very pretty, so we brought in a can of paint and brushes and painted all over the wall.. alas the colour of the paint didn't match so we had to make it seem as if we were painting a picture on the wall.. and so the clouds were born, and isaac drew a real evil looking face on the extreme left cloud, but on everyone else' request he replaced his so-called "abstract chinese art" with a cuter looking face. and so, that's how the cloud dragon came into the story. we wrote down "don't get stressed, be happy... always look on the bright side of life" to complement with the "cloud dragon" 's "happy" face, and so our intentions were masked under that paint.. under the guise of harmless decorating the classroom and urging everyone to stay stress-free. quite funny... hope we dun get into deep shit for this.

FUCK NO. IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN!

just had like a two hr talk with a friend, and i'm now absolutely convinced that the only way to get out of this torturous state is to have faith in myself, and believe in myself. only then will the irrational worries will go away. hope it's the last phase of this hell i'm going through and i'll leave it, almost unscathed. and hope that it's still NOT too late to start studying seriously without much distraction.. for once. i can't pity myself for having undergone so much, i'm sure many else have, too, if not, had been through worse. it actually makes me appreciate the things in life more, now that i realised that life is indeed beautiful, despite what many others may say. so am i. words can't bring me down. =)

argh... obviously i was wrong when i said i hoped that it will last. the past two days i'm struggling to keep my mind from blowing apart. all those distractions.. plus the fact that prelims are coming soon certainly doesn't help (if not i could keep myself occupied with something enjoyable) then again.. everyone has their own private problems. come to think of it mine's really nothing compared to many others. i should really fucking stop brooding about things that even if do occur, do not cause me much harm whatsoever. damn now i sound like i'm severely psychotic; maybe i am after all.. heh. I know that our lives are the same Just to rid my name of dirty stains I will not follow your steps in the same way That you walked away and pushed away And I will not live

something's wrong with the internet these few days.. a lot of stuff happening that scared the shit out of me.. installed a freaking firewall which constantly reported intrusions that are supposed to be "dangerous" because of potential hacking activity, cuz i didn't realise that zonealarms always make a big fuss out of nothing. and then, i had troubles logging on.. for the past four days or so. couldnt load blogger, couldnt load a lot of other shit (like newgrounds) and the fact that i had just formatted my comp means that my comp is now more or less empty. nothing much to do. then i heard that problems surfing net could mean that ur comp had been infected with that msblast thing, so i ran virus scans but couldnt detect anything. then suddenly today everything's ok again.. weird. anyway.. these two weeks.. i think i finally understood how it feels to have the whole world talking to you, interacting with you, but not with you at all. whenever you start to feel great about your life.. theres this impending fear that at any moment.. everything could vanish without a trace. had always questioned whether the existence of things will last but only recently i started to actually feel it, the hostile side of it, the unknown. i think it's because i lacked sleep that has gotten me into such a thinking/brooding/worrying marathon. fucking agonizing. not that i didn't try to study but i just couldnt concentrate. think i'm going not going to do very well for the prelims after all. thought i could study at full steam by early august but couldnt. feeling better today.. like finally. hoping that this will stay on. >>www.liquidgeneration.com<< funny site.

for the aspiring medicine students... First-year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor, the first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body". For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing", he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the professor looked at the students and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention". I know that our lives are the same Just to rid my name of dirty stains I will not follow your steps in the same way That you walked away and pushed away And I will not live

after like 5 days of isolation from the virtual community, i got this dell technician to come over and fix everything up... comp's reformatted, trojan horse (if there's one in the first place) is gone, and everything is great and beautiful. ok maybe except the fact that all my mp3s and my movies have ceased to exist. and to think i spent so much time downloading them without even getting the chance to appreciate more than half of them yet. sigh.... lucky i've watched american pie 3 and bad boys 2 before formatting.. both are fantasitc. haha.. and that fucked up riaa and equally fucked up rias is creating this ruckus that made me think twice before going on kazaalite.. in fact, havent downloaded it yet. though i must admit they're very effective in wiping out this file-sharing thing by attempting to take legal action against regular users, they are unaware that they have committed the second greatest sin of the century and retribution will befall them in no time.. they will be punished. but that doesnt stop me from getting the files i want. i still have irc to bank on.. have already d/led some 10 mp3s.. going to d/l scary movie 3 when it comes up.. the trailer... freaking funny... http://www.apple.com/trailers/miramax/scary_movie_3/ on a more serious note, prelim practical begins in two weeks time. i'm really screwed for all the pracs... and maths!.. really.... maths is the most screwed up subject i have taken... argh must keep practicing.. maybe thats the problem.. i'd rather mug notes than practice sums. hmm... will have to start asking ppl for help to clarify my doubts liao... a bit too late though... all these years without the help from classmates i wun be able to pass any of my subjects... this year.. no exception. right now i wish that i could follow you to the shores of freedom, where no one lives

don't know why i'm still afraid; if you weren't real i would make you up now. i wish that i could follow through.. i know that your love is true and deep... as the sea. remember when we first met and everything was still a bet in love's game? you would call; i'd call you back and then i'd leave a message on your answering machine. we're made out of blood and rust, looking for someone to trust without a fight. i think that you came too soon... you're the honey and the moon that lights up my night. we've got too much time to kill.. like pigeons on my windowsill.. we hang around. ever since i've been up with you, you hold me up all the time i'm falling down... but right now everything you want is wrong and right now all your dreams are waking up. but right now everything is turning blue and right now the sun is trying to kill the moon. and right now i wish that i could follow you to the shores of freedom, where no one lives... -Honey and the Moon- Joseph Arthur

now i will tell you what i've done for you. fifty thousand tears i cry.. screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you and you still won't hear me. ... GO AWAY!... don't want your hand this time... i'll save myself. maybe i'll wake up for once, not tormented daily defeated by you. just when i thought i'd reach the bottom... blurring and stirring the truth that comes out, always confusing the thoughts in my head, so i can't trust myself anymore. i dive again...